The Fullness of My Heart: Sad News

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Sad News

As much as I enjoy my blog as being a great forum for sharing happy news and thoughts with family and friends; it also works in the same way to share not so good news. We found out today that I'm having a miscarriage. Considering that I was 12 weeks pregnant, and I'm still having morning sickness, it comes as quite a shock.

Interestingly, my situation is very similar to another friend who recently lost her pregnancy. It's sad, I'm somewhat in shock, but it's not devastating. I experienced another miscarriage before Brooklyn was born, and it was much harder. At the time, I had been trying to get pregnant for over three years, and I didn't know if I could get pregnant again or carry a baby to full term. This time, as soon as I walked though the door having come home from the doctor, Ty and Sadie as were eager and happy to see me as ever. Ty had saved a prized piece of candy to share with me. Sadie was all smiles. I couldn't help but count my three beautiful blue-eyed blessings, knowing that another baby will come when in the Lord's time.

8 comments:

Melissa said...: We're thinking of you guys. Love you!; December 21, 2008 at 8:39 AM
We are 3. said...: Oh Nicki, we are thinking about you and your family. You are so optomistic to count your blessings in this time of trial.; December 22, 2008 at 6:54 AM
Unknown said...: So sorry to hear. If you need anything, please let me know!; December 26, 2008 at 7:33 AM
Tina said...: Thanks for the Christmas card! I'm so glad I have your blog now! Sorry to hear your sad news. But thank you for sharing. I just had a miscarriage in Novemeber, I wasn't as far a long though. I had the same experience though when I came home, our little Trail came running at me smiling, I starting crying and just felt gratiful to have our two. Thanks for sharing! It is always good to feel like we aren't alone! Peace be with you! visit us at thesampsonnation.blogspot.com; December 26, 2008 at 8:53 PM
Ashley said...: i'm so sorry to hear. we're thinking of you. miss you guys!; December 29, 2008 at 7:46 AM
Jodee Luke said...: you are such a strong example, know that we are thinking of you!; January 7, 2009 at 7:22 PM
Anonymous said...: I'm so sorry nicki! My thoughts are with you. Lots of love, Natasha; January 9, 2009 at 5:31 PM
Melinda said...: I was so sad for you when you told me today. I'm glad you feel better about it by now, when you shared it with me. Not that it's 'better', but you seem to have handled it pretty well.

Am glad to have your blog again, and to see some posts! Thanks for dropping by and commenting. I'm a lot better now, just had the blues that day!; January 12, 2009 at 6:37 PM

Our Family

As a mother of four beautiful children, I feel like I am often lost in the day to day shuffle of life; while missing the beautiful moments of parenting. I try to remember that even when life isn't easy, life is fleeting. Every "stage" of my children's lives are my favorite. Life is sweet because today will never come again. Although some days, I just want the day to end; I struggle as I realize how quickly time passes and that "babies don't keep". I hope my blog can help me keep this perspective, and help me remember to not take the daily things for granted.

Kids Say...

I was trying to get Jack to go to sleep downstairs for a sleepover with the other kids. We were lying on the floor together, when he'd pull out blanket up over his face. If I ignored it and pretended to sleep, he'd poke me and say "Mama, where's Jack"? I'd then say, "oh, where's Jack?", to which he would scream, "peek a boo!" or "here he is!" and throw off the blanket.

Sadie: "They don't kill girl cows, because they make milk. They just kill boy cows, because they make hamburgers."

Ty: "Mom and Dads have a very important job. They have to make life interesting for their kids. Like scientists."

Ty: "If girl cows make milk, what do boy cows do?"

Our family does a weekly family night. Our church calls it "Family Home Evening". Ty calls it "Family Home Eating". For obvious reasons, he's upset if we don't have a treat as part of our night together.

It bothers Ty that Sadie prefers chocolate milk to plain milk. He told her this morning, "but don't you know, regular milk is just chocolate milk without the ______". He wanted her to guess. She is no more amused with missing out on chocolate opportunities than her mother and refused to answer.

Brooklyn: "Heavenly Father still loves us, even though He makes it cold, right?"

Ty: "Mom, I want to have a Christmas party."

Mom: "Okay, what do we do for a Christmas party?"

Ty: "You know how we usually eat healthy foods? Well, at a party we only eat foods from the sweets and oils group. So, can we eat carrots at a party? No, because they are from the vegetables group. Can we eat cake? Yes, because it's in the oils group...."

Ty: "Daddy, can I come lay in your bed?"

Dad: "Why do you want to lay in my bed?"

Ty: "Because mine is really wet"

I was trying to get Ty to eat some soup before indulging in honey butter laden cornbread for dinner. He looked at me and said matter of factly: "Nope". I went crazy. "You don't tell me NO!" He said, "but Mom, I didn't say 'no', I said 'nope', nope has a 'p' on the end".

Ty: "Mom, do you know what I am SO afraid of? Beautiful girls."

Mom: "Really Ty? Why are you afraid of beautiful girls?"

Ty: "I dunno Mom. They just make me feel...(muttering, stammering, embarrassed)...I don't know, they're just scary."

On cheating: Brooklyn keeps reminding me (as if I'm some crazy huge flirt) that Mom and/or Dad can't kiss someone else, "or else the 'spell' will be broken"

Sadie (my very backseat driver) was frustrated that I was going too slow. I explained that someone was in front of me, I couldn't go faster. She said "Just push him out of the way!"

Sadie: Her explanation as to why we were taking Jackson to the doctor "We need to shot him" (give him his vaccines)

Brooklyn: "Mommy, why do you go the bank? Is it because you don't have a piggy bank?"

Sadie loves Jackson. Mommy loves Jackson to take naps. Sadie keeps going into Jack's room when he is napping and waking him up. Every time I get after her, she sweetly says, "but I was just looking at him".

On $200+ drinks: This past trip to Utah, my kids were very excited about the plane ride. Best part? Having a layover meant we rode on four different planes...and got to choose four different drinks. They all had it mapped out before we ever took off and knew what they would have when.

Brooklyn noticed a black and white TV that was in the movie "Toy Story 2". I explained that a long time ago, before color TV's, all they had were black and white. She thoughtfully asked, "so how old will our TV be when it turns black and white?"

Tyler got into a little scuffle with another boy at the library (who happened to be African-American). As I was explaining sharing and being kind to Ty (in earshot of the child's father), Brooklyn loudly added to the lecture: "Yeah, and we also need to always be nice to people who have a different color of skin".

When we were last visiting St. George, we got into a very hot car after church. The A/C immediately kicked on when I started the car. Before I could even think about shutting off the hot air, Brooklyn said "Mom, are you SERIOUSLY turning on the heater?!" Smart mouth. I'm dead when she's 16.

Ty told both Grandmas when they came to visit: "Grandmas and Grandpas are bigger than Mommies and Daddies" ("bigger" for Ty = older)

On living in the Midwest

Brooklyn: "Mommy, what are those?"

Mommy: "Sprinklers"

Brooklyn: "But why are they just going right there?" (Watering your lawn here is rare; sprinklers are solely for entertainment)

Brooklyn: "Mommy, can we go to the ocean, I want..."
Me: "We can go there on a vacation someday"
Brooklyn: "Why do we have to wait for a vacation?"
Me: "Because it's so far away"
Brooklyn: "Further than the car store?" (about 20 min from home)

Brooklyn got mad at Ty for eating before we said a prayer: "No Ty! If you eat before we say a blessing your food is going to be GROSS!"

Jack HATES baths. After a rare bath when he didn't scream the entire time, I said to him: "see Jack, that wasn't so bad". He proceeded to pee all over me.

Brooklyn came home from church with a paper entitled "I Can Choose the Right By:". Her response (and illustration) was "not screaming when my mom combs my hair".

Jake and I had to switch vehicles for the day, and I gained immense gratitude for my mini-van. Ty sat in the back of Jake's Civic and whined "Mom, my bum is too big; Dad's car is too small!"

I was trying to talk Ty out of wearing a pair of sweat pants today. He just didn't get it, "But Mommy, these pants aren't wet!"

Ty's penchant for waking up early reached a new level. Jake heard him walking around upstairs at about 9:30pm. He went upstairs and told him it was time to go back to bed. Ty had taken off his PJ's and dressed himself for they day, and was very upset, saying: "But I'm already dressed!"

Ty's prayer: "Please bless that we won't be weird ("wee-wud")

Ty saw a cow relieving herself during the fair and shouted, "look Mom, the cow's making milk!"

Ty was having a bad day and came unglued when I pulled out the sunscreen, "NO MOMMY! The sun is not screaming. I don't need sunscream unless the sun is screaming!"

Egotistical? Sadie loves to sing her ABC's, she thinks it says, "A,B, Sadie"...she repeats that a few times, mutters through "next time won't you sing with" then screams "ME!"

After Jake had to leave a lunch date to head back to work, I was trying to explain to Brooklyn why he has to go to work. She asked, "can't we just have someone come to our house and make money for us?". I asked, "who?" Quickly she replied "one of Daddies work friends!". We're still recruiting.

While visiting a friend, Ty saw a buck mounted on the wall. He was so excited and asked, "Can I hold it?"

After a fun Easter Egg hunt on Saturday, with eggs filled with stickers, candy, and prizes; my kids were sorely disappointed to find out what was inside the real eggs that we had dyed.
Ty refuses to give up a fight, and when he is trying to talk back, always screams: "I'm just ASKING!"

Ty is so not potty ready and won't admit even when he needs to be changed. I knew he needed to be changed this past weekend and asked him. He replied, "I'm not sayin' nuthin 'bout that!" I'm blaming his father for the backtalk and the slaughter of the English language.

Ty was being naughty and hit me. Jake saw it and said, "don't hit your mother". Ty laughed at him and said, "she's not 'mudder', she's mommy!"

We were driving in the car and the person behind me wasn't letting me change lanes. I said (kindly), "please, c'mon, let me in". Brooklyn said, "Mommy, who are you talking to?" Me: "The car behind me" B: "Can they hear you?" Me: "Nope." B: "Then why are you talking to them?"

Good thing I don't cuss. We were driving and someone made a crazy move and almost got creamed. I said "good grief!" The entire way home, Sadie sat in the back and repeated, "good gweef, good gweef"

Ty got Easter bunny ears from the big EB at the mall. He was proud to wear them home. When we got home, I told him that Daddy would be excited to see his ears. Ty playfully tugged on his real ears and said, "these ears, or my bunny ears?"

Ty was supposed to be helping clean up some toys, but was doing much more playing than working. He looked up at me and agonizingly asked, "is it time for me to rest yet?". I told him to join a union for more rights...until then, no breaks.

Brooklyn and I were talking about the fact that her daddy and Uncle Jared are brothers. She was quiet for a minute and then said, "but I thought they were daddies".

Of my casserole tonight, Brooklyn said:
"There are potatos in there, I can tell! I don't like potatos" (there were NO pototos)...also, we were talking about chicken again and she reminded me that the chicken we eat is not an animal...the chicken we eat is shaped like dinosaurs and comes from the store.

Sadie is so cute...we all love to dance and tonight she refused to dance with anyone but Ty (who of course, wasn't interested)

Last time we went to the mall, Brooklyn brought several random coins, most of which she lost on the way, and was adamant about 'paying' for herself and her siblings to ride the kiddie rides, she had it all figured out when she left with 9 coins, everyone could ride 3 times...too bad she doesn't understand the differing values of coinage and the fact that each ride costs 3 quarters. It was still so thoughtful!

Brooklyn asked me after church last Sunday. 'We love Jesus, do you know what he did for us? He paid our taxes.' Sweet!

Tonight at dinner, Ty demanded more ketchup. Expecting him to say please, I said, 'what do you need to do if you want more?'. Quickly, he pushed aside all of the food on his plate to make room for the ketchup and looked up at me and smiled.

Ty: "When I turn into a Daddy, then I'm going to go to work"
Mom: "What are you going to do at work?"
Ty: "Play with Thomas (the train). Daddy, do you have Thomas at work? Say 'yes'"

As we were shoveling snow today, Brooklyn said "mommy, we have to hurry and shovel all this snow, cuz we want summer to come and the snow just keeps coming down!"

Ty got in trouble with Daddy last night and exclaimed "you are ruining my whole life!"

Sadie's first sentence..."I want more chicken"...we're contacting Chick Filet.

Ty went to see Grandpa Johnson's trucks when we went to St. George. As he stepped out of the car, the first words he said upon seeing the truck was "it's beautiful".

Brooklyn has a book with a "magic marker" than makes new pictures appear when it is used. Today, the marker failed to work as it ran out of ink. Brooklyn was torn up as I triend to explain she said, "but Mommy! Magic markers don't break!"

Sadie's siblings have her trained. When they ask her "what is your name?" she always says "Cocoa" and they all three erupt into laughter. I'm just concerned cuz the nickname sounds like an exotic dancer's name...

Brooklyn: "Please downzip my pants."

Ty screams "excuse me" anytime I'm not listening to him.

Brooklyn: "Ty is going to ruin my whole life, and I was just going to get a life!"

Ty was throwing a tantrum and I was trying to console him. He sobbed, "mommy, I'm happy now!"

Ty asks me to "move those monkeys" anytime my hair is on my shoulders and he wants to give me a love. He just doesn't like my hair at all and won't touch it.

Brooklyn: "Guess what Mommy? There are two kinds of chickens. The kind at the zoo and the kind you eat!"

Trying to explain, "why church?" to Brooklyn, I told her that church helps mommy be good. She asked me immediately, "maybe church will make you be a good mommy and not put your kids in time out anymore, maybe?" I'm sure there is something in the scriptures about that!

Brooklyn was trying to play "Mommy and Daddy" with Ty yesterday. With a belt wrapped around Ty's waist (so he could be "Daddy", of course); she was insistant that she wear my bra, "cuz that's ALL that mommies wear". I finally talked her into a dress! Whew!

Brooklyn asked me today, "Mommy, why does Ty say why so much just like me?"

We were walking to the mall and passed a Radisson Hotel. Brooklyn had been excited about the big walk from Walgreens to Mayfair mall and was asking me about all the buildings. When we saw the Radisson, she asked, "what is that". I told her it was a hotel. She then asked, "is that where the sun sleeps?". Hmmm...dunno.

While I was dressing Ty, he was showing some resistance. Brooklyn told him, "you have to get dressed, you're naked!". After the incident, Ty came to me a few minutes later and asked, "Mommy, where's my naked?"

We're starting to think about potty training for Ty. Last week, I told him that if he went to the potty, he could have a treat. He asked me "how 'bout the living room?". Guess he's not ready?

Brooklyn was confused this morning when a headache put me on the couch and said: "Moms don't take naps, they just clean!" I'm glad she clarified my purpose in life!

Brooklyn prayed: "Please help Mommy be more nice, so she doesn't put us in time-outs"

"I'm having a hard day! I'm just trying to get all the drama out now so that there is no more drama!" (Brooklyn was in meltdown mode at the end of going to the zoo and not seeing the zebras)

"These shoes, no socks!" (what Ty says every time we put on his sandals)

Brooklyn was upset at Ty again this morning, for some reason or another. I heard her scream "Tyler Jake! You are not T-Bone anymore ("T-Bone" is Ty's favorite nickname...he sometimes refuses to be called anything else)

Brooklyn: "Daddy told me that piggies make forks"
Mom: "Silly Daddy."
Brooklyn: "No, piggies make forks"
Mom: "OK, how do piggies make forks"
Brooklyn: "They just take spoons and use their little piggy hands to make forks"
--After some thought into this conversation, I tried to think where she got confused; I realized that pork rhymes with fork.

Brooklyn: "How did Heavenly Father put on our heads?"
Mom: "I don't know. What do you think?"
Brooklyn: "I think He used a big mixing bowl"
Mom: "Hmmm..."
Brooklyn: "How do you think he made my little head?"

Brooklyn: "How did Heavenly Father make the crocodiles without having the crocodiles bite him?"
Mom: "What do you think?"
Brooklyn: "I think He just made them really small and then put them down on the ground and watched them grow"

Kids say...and do...Sadie cries hysterically when I blow bubbles for the kids. She loves to try to get them and becomes very upset by the fact that as soon as she catches one that it disappears!

Brooklyn has a tendency to hang on the stroller/cart when we're shopping and often gets in the way. I try to be polite and kind to her about it; but I think I'm failing...Jake was talking to her about a trip to the store and asked, "What can you do to help Mommy at the store?" She quickly answered, "Get out of the way!" Rude Mommy!

Rather than saying "NO!" like most two-year-olds, Ty says "NO THANK YOU!" (with just as much vim and vigor)

On a recent trip through Vegas, Brooklyn was anxious to get to the Las Vegas airport after a long drive from St. George. When we were entering the airport, we went through a tunnel and Brooklyn asked, "Mommy, is this Las Vegas? Wow! It's dark here!"

Grandpa Johnson was driving and saw a cop and Brooklyn overheard talk about tickets and driving etc. She LOVES to get "tickets" (receipts) when we go shopping; so she asked Grandpa if she could have his ticket when the cop gave him one. Luckily, we never had to find out if he would give it to her!

On the way to the airport, Brooklyn wanted something loud to "wake up" the airplane. I asked what she wanted to use and she said "don't you have a horn or a drum or something in your bag?"

Brooklyn was praying for family home evening. During the prayer, Ty turned on the TV. Brooklyn ran over to him with her arms folded, hit him and said "NO!", then resumed her prayer in her sweet "prayer voice", completely as if it were uninterrupted and nothing had happened.

Ty kept tugging on his ears and coming to me..."Help Mommy, stuck...help Mommy, stuck". Sorry little man.

Too much emhasis on potty training? Brooklyn uses the word "poop" instead of "pout" when she sings "Santa Claus is Coming to Town".

Brooklyn was splashing in the tub and said, "Look Mom! I'm making the water wiggle!"

Ty is dramatic about eating. Whethers it's something delicious, or a piece of Wonderbread, he smacks his lips and says "mmmmm"...even in the middle of church.

While talking with Brooklyn about Christmas and Jesus'
"birthday" I thought we were getting somewhere until she excitedly said, "Mom, Jesus wants a Mickey Mouse birthday, we need to go to WalMart and get him a cake!..." From then on, we were lost on the Christmas thing with planning Jesus' party.

Ty has a book with mom and baby animals. The first page is a pig/piglet. So, everytime we read that book, he opens it, points to the pig on the first page and says "Mommy!". Gee, thanks Ty.

We talk a lot about the hazards of parking lots. While walking into Target, Brooklyn turned to me and said, "Mommy, if you don't get smashed by a car, I'll give you a smartie!"

"Look Mommy! It's Jesus and the prophet!" (Brooklyn was screaming from the backseat while driving; on my way back I realized she saw statues of Christ and Mary)

Brooklyn and I often have "tea parties" and make "hot cocoa" (Mormon approved, right?). It's been awhile, and yesterday she wanted to have a tea party and make "Diet Coke-O"

Jake likes to "race" Brooklyn as we get from point A to B; she enjoys it and it keeps her moving. They were "racing" out of church today and Brooklyn didn't slow down enough and ran straight into the side of the van and fell back from the impact. It wouldn't have been funny, except before either of us could get to her, she jumped up and yelled "I WON!"

After trick or treating at the ward Halloween party, at the church, Brooklyn said "I like THAT church!...We go to that church again in TWO days."

Brooklyn had something that was too large to carry in her pocket and announced to me "Mommy, I need BIG Mommy pants with BIG Mommy pockets."

Brooklyn came running out of the potty to annouce that we were out of TP. When Jake went in to help, it was obvious she had wasted a lot. He asked, "How much toilet paper did you use?" she said, "Too much!"

After I got dressed in my Halloween costume, a clown with red hair and all, I was lamenting whether or not I really wanted to be dressed up. Brooklyn came up and exclaimed, "Mommy, you look BEAUTIFUL!"

While driving in the car on Sunday, we passed a McDonald's. Brooklyn, of course, wanted to go. We explained, "no, we don't go to McDonald's on Sunday". Simple explanation, right? After some careful thought, Brooklyn asked, "How 'bout Wendy's?"