Sadie

Again, looking for somewhere to rant and the blog seems so ideal. At Sadie's 9-month check; while she had gained height, so hadn't gained weight over her 6-month appointment. Considering that she is also a little bit behind on some of her large motor skills, the doctor recommended a barage of tests. So, we went over to Children's to start the process. I honestly am heartbroken for parents who have to spend a lot of time there. It's so slow and everything is a process. While we have been waiting for test results, my pediatrician also recommended starting physical therapy.
We started physical therapy (PT) this week and I think it will go well. The PT I am doing at home already seems to be helping her out. Also this week, we got back some abnormal test results. From what I understand, genetically she is having metabolic problems. The metabolic disorders are so varied, that they can't really give us any details as to the test results at the this, other than to say there is an abnormality. Of course, I looked things up on the internet (the night Jake is at school). Big mistake. The severity of metabolic disorders can apparently vary widely; it could be the cause of Sadie's delayed growth, but other disorders present serious symptoms such as comas and seizures. I lost it that night. Cried for two hours until I fell asleep.
This weekend, I'm feeling better about things. We are getting into a geneticist at Children's Hospital that can tell us more about what Sadie has. She will be continuing PT and we will also be taking her to the developmental center at Children's. I'm still really worried. She's my baby. I'm scared but I'm so grateful for first, my pediatrician. I really wasn't worried about her. I'm a mom with three kids and I've kind of become of "wait and see" kind of mom. I knew that if we had to diagnose a problem, it would involve a lot of tests and time etc. Not that I wouldn't do anything to help a sick child, but I didn't honestly feel in my gut that anything was wrong. So, I didn't want to put Sadie through needless pokes and tests. Second, I am grateful that I live mintues from good healthcare. Children's isn't perfect. It's hard to get in, it's long waits once you're there...but I understand the care is good. Third, I'm immensely grateful for the family and friends who have rallied around me. I'm not alone, that's huge.
Anyway, I don't write this to complain, I just need to keep track of my feelings and maintain perspective. I guess I also would have those who know me and read my blog that if I seem a little extra stressed out or teary-eyed...there's a reason. No worries though. I'm honestly feeling good about things. Everytime I go to Children's, I walk in the door with wet eyes in anticipation of what is happening with my child. Everytime I walk out the door, I walk out with wet eyes because I see how much other families cope with. It's amazing.